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I Wonder

Right now I'm wondering why I am in grad school. To be in grad school and succeed requires two things: 1) The will to spend three years doing academic things. 2) The will to give up the time necessary to do those academic things.

I just walked out of a Greek midterm that I probably failed. What makes me angry right now is the fact that I probably could have done reasonably well had I had the will to give the time to Greek every day that I should. But I don't, and right now I have very little desire to. So now I'm telling my professor that I need help with my Greek, when that's not really the case. What I need is some kind of motivation to study greek every day. Why do I not have that motivation? What is the stumbling block to knowing that this is what I need to do to succeed in grad school? I'm not an agressive person but right now I want to throw a chair across the room that I am sitting in. I told a lady in an interview a while back that I believe it is my obligation to Christ to give my best to everything that I do. Perhaps I don't believe that? Perhaps I'm just fooling myself? Right now I'm just not sure what the heck it is I'm supposed to be doing. Right now a blank page of first and second declension noun forms is telling me that I shouldn't seek to be a minister as a career. At least not a minister with an M.Div degree.

I need to find my problem and find it quick, or this grad school thing is going to sink me.

Sigh.


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