One of the little joys in life is when someone picks up on something that you thought was only important to you.

For example, a friend of mine was hanging out at my house last night and leaned over to my bookshelf and pulled down my copy of Moonlight Chronicles, which is a published traveler's journal by artist Dan Price. Immediately she began reading, so then I showed her an earlier issue that I keep in my room. She was enthralled by his writing and art - which is something that I had attempted to show to other people several times in the past, but no interest ever developed. So here I sit and didn't even try, and she ended up reading all night and taking my copies home with her. I discovered Moonlight Chronicles in a similar way back in early high school, and it was, in its own arty-philosophical way, a big influence on me.

Probably another small lesson in how us trying to maintain control or influence is ultimately a feeble exercise. The flow of life, which I fully believe in well in the hands of God, is something that we need to experience, not contort to our notions of importance. If God led you into something by interesting and uncontrolled sets of circumstances, then why do we lose faith that he will do those same kinds of things with others?

It's funny how months of mental progress can be singlehandedly undone by a single phone call. Does that mean the progress you made in overcoming an issue was weak, or at worst, false? When is hope something to hold and when is it just an oppressive tool of Satan to keep your life unrealistic?

Recently a good friend of mine correctly identified an idol in my life; something that I have known for a long time has been an idol but have never truly labeled as such. Since this has happened, more has taken place than ever before to remove this idol and refocus my eyes fresh on the life God has before me. This progress has been powerful, or at least has felt powerful, but a single conversation over the phone with another friend has thrown open the doors of possibility. Rest assured that I saw it coming and quickly pulled up the drawbridge over the moat and locked the entrance tightly. But this person brought a powerful army that didn't really attack so much as made promises come back and wear down the defenses gradually. Do I have that kind of endurance? What's more, this person is doing this out of good intentions.

Man I love metaphor. It allows you to talk about something without really talking about it, which is of course appropriate for this topic on a blog that is read by who knows who. But I had to say something about it, and there is not really anyone available at the moment.

Happy birthday to me... maybe I should drop by the State Farm Office and make sure they know that I'm 25? Every little bit of savings helps when you are a grad student.

Bike rides through the mud at 1:30 in the morning, two-stepping to a country band in an old high school gym in the middle of nowhere, eating cheap pizza in an old restaurant, watching 5 year olds play flag football, filling water balloons to impossible sizes, listening to an Old Testament lecture in the pitch black darkness, rubber band wars, running into friends on campus, praying together on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, mooching free food at Rosa's, shooting golf balls over the prayer garden bridge, good talks during a long car ride, playing "dad" to a freshman, Half-pound bean burrito especials, half-awake morning prayer group members, the excitement of a seeing a new vision, singing "pink elephants" to someone I don't even know, and getting Boomer Sooner stuck in peoples' heads.... these are just a fraction of the good times God has let me have lately.

If you find yourself on one side of a sticky situation right now, just wait. One day God will find a way to stick you on the other side.

Okay I need to press the pause button on this blog. Unfortunately I believe I have been painting a picture that's not quite accurate or healthy compared to the realities of things. I believe a negative tone has emerged concerning the life I am now living in the middle of seminary, Christian school, and Abilene. Unfortunately this blog catches the brunt of some of my concerned thinking.

I believe a measure of humility is in order here, starting with me. Do I struggle with some of the inconsistencies, systemization, and marginalization of things around me? Yes. Have I come here with the solutions to how everything should be? Not hardly! Coming here with the mindset of "I know a better way" shuts me off completely to some very powerful lessons God is probably desperate to teach me. Prophets are sometimes in order, but I'm pretty sure that's not what God has in mind for me right now. Plus, if this is the mindset I'm going to have, then I'm in for a pretty rough 3 and 1/2 years. There's no need for that. I've been in a total of four weeks worth of classes now, and already I've been opened to some life-changing ideas. Praise God for that!

God has tested me with some fires and a mild "dark night of the soul" in my recent life. But he is once again proving his faithfulness and power, and having me here is part of that. So, does this take away frustrations I may experience in this "Jerusalem," "bubble," "ivory tower," or whatever I may call it? Of course not. Should it give me some healthier perspective on what God is really working to accomplish, despite me? That sounds more like it. So, don't worry about rose colored glasses, but expect less and less of what may be too much tunnel vision on my part.

I finally joined civilization and am now on Facebook. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, here's the link.

One thing that seems to pop up every now and then through my studies is the idea of anti-intellectualism. This is a stream of thought that has appeared through the ages in Christianity that tends to despise what academia does to the spirit of faith. Although I want to handle this idea with care (unfortunately it is all to easy to become an extremist and generalist), I am finding that I have sympathies with the people who take this position. One such is a English monk from the Middle Ages named Richard Rolle. He comments:

And old woman can be more expert in the love of God - and less worldly too - than your theologian with his useless studying. He does it for vanity, to get a reputation, to obtain stipends and official positions. Such a fellow out to be entitled not 'Doctor' but 'Fool.'

I agree. But I would stop short of applying that to the entire practice - just a good bit of it. Theological academia can increase knowledge dramatically, but it is wholly separate from the pursuit of understanding the love of God. There are illiterate homeless people who understand this better than I do.

Even though I have long been a part of it, I struggle deeply with the idea of the institutional church. Quite frankly, I believe that Jesus would be uncomfortable and quite possibly insenced if he walked into the middle of pretty much any organized church today. He would be so confused about big buildings and offices, professional employees, budget systems, and $20,000 projection systems. And to be fair, I think he would be equally weirded if he walked into your little poor country church. Size and complexity isn't the issue, it's this strange organizational system we've created that we've put an insane amount of faith into.

Right in the bull's eye of my thinking along those lines has, for a long time, been Christian university. These monstrous institutions we've created have in my minds eye been the giant fat ugly pigs that the church has created and worshipped as the protector and sustainer of young people's churchiness, and therefore their salvation.

BUT, as I've said before, I have brought myself to one of those institutions, and partly because I want to break down that bias and see things with a little more of God's eyes, and not my own (which I know have been highly influenced by a string of negative experiences with Christian schools and some very spiritually unhealthy Christian school supporters). All of that intro is to get to this:

Today I went to the first meeting of my GST mentoring group. I was describing some of my feelings about these things and what I hope to overcome when one of the older guys just simply said: "You are in Jerusalem."

Hmm. I've heard that phrase used before many times, but now it seems to have a different meaning. The early Christians did, in fact, have a place like this... a place where their organizing principles really took shape... a place that the Christians journeyed to be in their "bubble" (as much as it existed then)... a place that served as a hub of people...

I have lot more thinking to do on this (about 3.5 more years at least), so we'll see what happens to my thinking during that time. Maybe instead of wanting to come in with a bulldozer and scatter all these "Christians" about to where they are actually facing the world and the reality of their faith, I should see a place like Abilene for what God is actually being able to accomplish, despite whatever disappointments he may with the institution we have created.

Trust is a fagile treasure. If it is broken for any reason, it is permanently scarred. I hope that I have not destroyed the trust of an incredibly special friend.

For the most realistic, raw, and eye opening coverage of what really is happening in New Orleans, please click here:

The Interdictor

Big disasters seems to bring out extremes in society. Extreme good, extreme evil, extreme emotion, extreme apathy.

Today is Thursday, Sept 1, and it looks as if it is going to be months before people can even begin to think about going back to New Orleans. Now, ever since Monday night, the pressing question for me has been, "what can I do?"

My initial impulse was to load up the car and head to Louisiana to see what I could do. I haven't done that, obviously, becuase I've decided that it would be wiser to identify a need first and then engage. But, unfortunately, information has been little to none about what specific needs are, except that tens of thousands of refugees need food, water, and safety. I'm not able to supply these things. Other organizations can, and I am giving money to that, but there has got to be a need for engagement. My emails and calls to relief organizations and church leaders there have so far gone unanswered. My next call will be to the Bammel church in Houston. It really hasn't been long since God planted in me the revolutionary idea of helping people. There have been a few people God has placed in my life that have shown me the power of that, and the irresistible burden it carries. But I'm still coping with how to best engage that idea. I think that my faith needs to increase on that.

Stay tuned. We'll see what happens. This disaster is catastrophic, and the needs will not soon disappear.