In my last post I wrote about my recommitment to my Abilene world. Hold on to that thought because I will revisit it. But right now I want to go back in time a little bit and talk about some experiences in other worlds that have been formative to what I am doing in life right now.

Over the past few days I have been reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. For those of you who have read the old novel Catcher in the Rye, I believe that Blue Like Jazz is a book that the main character, Holden Caulfield, would have written had he become a Christian. Donald Miller seems to fit, in a Christian context, Holden's description (found on Sparknotes.com):

Holden Caulfield - The protagonist and narrator of the novel, Holden is a sixteen-year-old junior who has just been expelled for academic failure from a school called Pencey Prep. Although he is intelligent and sensitive, Holden narrates in a cynical and jaded voice. He finds the hypocrisy and ugliness of the world around him almost unbearable, and through his cynicism he tries to protext himself from the pain and disappointment of the adult world. However, the criticisms that Holden aims at people around him are also aimed at himself. He is uncomfortable with his own weaknesses, and at times displays as much phoniness, meanness, and superficiality as any else in the book...

A lot of Miller's experience with Christian spirituality has been the rejection of fundamentalism and the embrace of of a richer, darker, and more complicated worldview that recognizes the brokenness of the Christian system and the unbearable hypocrisy of many of its adherents. He constantly ranks himself as one of those hypocrites. And so his quest to break out of the phoniness of his own spiritual life has taken him to places that have challenged him deeply and forced him to face the deepest levels of his own conviction. He talks much about immersing himself in the world of Reed College in Portland, said to be the most Godless institution within the most unchurched area in America. The reader can tell that these experiences are what have led him to face God and the search for the reality of his own faith, which has constantly fostered more doubt than comfort. But through it all he has found more of the core of his own identity and has shaken off many crusted layers of Christianized baggage.

In a similar kind of way, these are the things that slowly began to happen to me when I trecked off to the big world of the University of Oklahoma years ago. Suddenly I wasn't in a safe environment anymore. Suddenly I found myself faced with a whole new world of ideas that shaped who I was very deeply and pounded hard at many beliefs and assumptions I had. This is sometimes seen as a bad thing - and why Christian schools are so in vogue among evangelicals. Anything that challenges people of faith to really reexamine what they believe or to consider other ways of thinking are not opportunities of faith but threats to it. The commencement speaker at ACU's graduation a couple of weeks ago said that the school has aimed to "Christianize" the students during their time here. Really? What about the students' quest to Christianize themselves based on a constant building through the faith community and hard challenges through the world and their education? Do we have a collective faith so weak that must rely on the institution to tell them what their faith is and to carry it for them?

When I lived in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, I ended up living in an old plantation style house that was right next to campus and a block from University Boulevard - the main strip that goes through town. This was an amazing opportunity because in a matter of minutes I could walk down to The Strip and sit in front of the Crimson and Cream coffee shop and simply listen to people talk. Places like this in the world of the major state school are constantly filled with people pontificating on politics, religion, academics, world affairs, relationships, and football. And this could be at all hours of the day. And there would never be a pretext of any sort of belief system between people - just people talking about what they thought. This was always tremendously educational to me because it was a window on the real world. Wandering The Strip was also a tremendous spiritual exercise at times too, because after getting home from a gigantic football game late at night I would often head back out by myself to walk up and down the street among thousands of people indulging their own desires - drunkenness, lewdness, drugs - so many things people did to cover their own insecurities and drown themselves in orgiastic partying. This was such a powerful time to walk among the crowds and simply pray that God would reveal himself in hearts that needed him so much.

So now my quest is to recognize how God is working in a place like Abilene, Texas, and a place like ACU that is so shrouded in spiritual cloaks and where faith is property of the institution. Where churches are gigantic and religon is a consumer sport. Show me, God, the windows into the real lives and hearts of people. But first reopen the window into my own heart.

Alrighty, for all of you people scattered across the globe who I don't make it around to calling everyday, yes, I have decided not to go to Kansas State. I seemed to have failed to make that known on this blog.

This may come as a surprise to some, because the KState opportunity, on paper, matched what I have been longing to do. Campus Ministry. At a major Division I school. In a college town. With a church that has a pretty good vision of campus ministry. I spent several days with them, I really liked them - it would have been a good experience. There were a few things that I thought could have been better about the apprenticeship and such, but there is no place that is going to be perfect. I sat in Charles Siburt's office the other day as he berated me for not taking the job, which is based totally on what he thinks I think of Abilene. As the king of all practical men, he doesn't quite understand my reasoning.

I sat in High Impact Praise a couple of weeks ago, surrounded by hundreds of college students, participating in powerful worship. It was then that the spirit did what I suppose he could do all the time if I would let him - he moved. He moved on me with the words and the desire to stay in Abilene. He helped me realize on a more conscious level that there is much that he has wanted to do with me here, so much that I have yet to realize or experience here - too much to escape somewhere else simply because it matches my desires of the moment and is a ticket out of the ridiculously Christianized world of Abilene. I've said from the beginning that I feel like God brought me here in part to round off some rough edges I have about places like this, and I know that he is not done with me yet. He has not completed my Abilene chapter - not in schooling, not in ministry, not spiritually, not socially.

Does this mean I won't be considering other opportunities that arise? Of course not. God does what he wants when he wants to do it. I'm just along for the ride. Always have been. But at the same time he always gives us the power to decide for ourselves - but never without important guidance.

So, as strange as it sounds considering where I've been and things I've said, I have openly recommitted to Abilene. Ferocious things are still out there. Undiscovered things. Wonderful things.

Man, miss a few days on the blog and people get the shakes. Yowza!

I promise that more substance will appear soon. In the meantime, take a tour of my new house. God has seen fit to provide a new place close to campus, is large, and the same price I was paying for a little house across town. So, moving is the name of the game these days. This is hopefully going to be the site of some good ministry over the next year. Or two. Plus some.

Every one in a while there are times when I really miss Alabama. This is one of those times.

Thanks for checking in lately, Johnny, Steven & Kelli, Drew, Kristy, and David.

The National Campus Ministry Seminar this year is going to take things to a whole new level. These are exciting times in campus ministry, as the seeds of a lot of visionary thinking are starting to take root in small but important ways. Over the last several years, the Campus Crosswalk organization has become more relevant, more and more leaders are venturing into the waters of campus-ministry centered church plants, the church as a whole is awakening bit by bit to the mission of campus ministry, and more students who have had their lives changed by campus ministry are choosing to dedicate their lives to that calling.

One thing that feeds a lot of that enthusiasm is the National Campus Ministry Seminar. This year will mark the 50th meeting of campus ministry leaders, visionary church leaders, and students from all over the nation. And, unlike the previous 50 years, the seminar is not being run by a particular campus ministry but by the Crosswalk Board itself. It will be at the home of Mustangs for Christ at SMU in Dallas, but the board is designing the program, so a tremendous amount of freedom has been afforded to take things forward. Along with some important movements in Churches of Christ, NCMS has joined the efforts to help spearhead unification efforts with the Independent Christian Churches. This is very important for campus ministry because together these movements can combine incredible resources. I was deeply affected last year by Dean Trune of Impact Ministries, a campus ministry-focused church planting effort of the Christian Churches. He brought things to the table that nobody in our movement would have last year, and I would not have been able to learn from those things had we not been open to cooperation with them.

If you have even the slightest interest in campus ministry, attend NCMS. It will open your eyes to the true mission of campus ministry across America. The revisioning of NCMS this year is going to blow the top off this event and extend its reach and impact even more. And it will be in Dallas, so it won't be far.

PLUS, I will be teaching a class about what campus ministers need to know about social networking on the internet (MySpace, Facebook, Blogging, Instant Messaging, etc). There is only one day of classes this year, so I'll be competing against some big names. Register and come so that I can have some people in my class!

Click here for 2006 National Campus Ministry Seminar

As a personal policy, I do not post other people's writings. However, sometimes you have to break your own rules. Evan Lathrop, a friend from Tulsa and student at Oklahoma Christian University, has the following to say about the risk of loving someone:

Is "Once in a Lifetime" worth your life?

You're not alone, Brown Eyes. These questions scare me every single day of my life...

How do you know when it's worth it? When is it safe to say the words, to take the plunge, to open the door to commitment, knowing that heartbreak could be hiding behind it? When can you safely give your heart away, trusting that it will remain whole and be treasured forever?

I would say Never. I think Love is a chance you take. It's a gamble. You offer it in hopes that it will be returned, but you don't know for sure. You can't. Otherwise what is the point? To love where there is no risk is to love where there is no choice. How else could Love be a sure thing? Love is only safe when the recipient has no choice but to return it. So you love a robot. You love something that has no chance to turn you down, no chance to reject you, no chance to break your heart. Your Love is safe.

...But it's also dead. Your Love will never grow. How can it? They cannot choose to love you less, so how can they choose to love you more? How can they choose to love you better and deeper and stronger than they did the day before? That's the catch isn't it? Safe Love never changes....ever. It will never get worse, but it will never get better. There are no breakups and makeups, no survivals and revivals, no heart-wrenching goodbyes and no heart-warming sighs. It is an answering machine instead of a voice; a handshake instead of a hug. It says, "Come this close but no closer; try this hard but no harder." It is packaged in a nice, neat box with a nice, neat ribbon and it will remain on a nice, neat shelf in a nice, neat closet until it is forgotten.

I don't believe that is Love. That is the clear plastic wrapping on the real gift. Love protects, it doesn't eliminate. Love hopes, it doesn't guarantee. Love trusts, it doesn't demand. Love never gives up because it has a reason to try.

Love never fails. Not because it can't, but because it won't.

Don't look for a Love that won't break your heart. Look for a Love that is worth having your heart broken. Don't look for a Love that won't hurt. Look for a Love that holds you until it doesn't hurt anymore. Don't look for a Love that can't lose. Look for a Love that can't stop trying.

Don't look for a Love that is safe. Look for a Love that is dangerous beyond your wildest imagination.

And ask yourself: "If you aren't willing to fall, how can you ever fall in Love?"

Many things have happened in the last week. Much of which I'm sure many of you want to hear about. Well, I've talked to a lot of you so you know a lot of things about interviewing at Kansas State, etc etc.

What I would like to comment on tonight is something not a lot of people understand but is something that has had a powerful place in my life. A close female friend of mine is working on becoming a professional scouter for the Dallas-area council of the Boy Scouts of America, and she and I have talked much about my experiencing with Scouting in my own life, and my memories of the troop that shaped a lot of my experience through my teen years.

Most of us have a lot of experience with groups of people and organizations in our lives. But I would venture to say that very few of us experience an organization that truly excellent. A group that has a deep sense of pride that has developed out of its own rich history. A group that is filled with figures who are deeply committed to what they do - not for their sake or the sake of their own children but for the sake of those who need what they have to offer. A group that defines what transformative and influential leadership is really like. A group that is so committed to its own ideals that it will stop at nothing to acheive them. A group that does not bow to outside pressure and relies on its own vision to experience greatness. A group that has its own legends and mythical heroes that are passed from generation to generation. A group that has at its center someone who has become larger than life to thousands of men who now live all over the world. A group whose thousands of alumni can all shout with perfect precision the word "ITKITN LITTLEKITN OTENTOTEN LITTLEBOATN ESKILIOTENTOTN BOTOSKOTETENTOTEN WATAKACHOO!!!"

This group is BSA Troop 26 of Tulsa, Oklahoma. The larger than life figure that moves the lifeblood of this group is Bill Shaffer, who has led the troop for nearly 37 years. Bill is a man that has emerged from a troubled youth to make his entire life's mission the formation of young men. He had no father as a boy (his was killed in WWII) and ended up finding trouble instead of identity. After years of military school and some college at University of Tulsa, he was asked to take on a small group of 12 boys for a year. He reluctantly agreed. This was 1969, and today that rag-tag, unorganized group of sloppy kids is now one of the biggest, proudest, most highly respected units in America. This was affirmed not long ago with the Outstanding Organization in America award from the Kennedy Foundation. The other winners have been NBC Television and the Kansas City Royals. Gerald Ford came to Tulsa and presented a Troop 26 Court of Honor. Ronald Reagan invited a delegation from Troop 26 to his office in California. I was part of a Troop 26 group that welcomed George H.W. Bush to Oklahoma. The troop has published two books of letters written to Troop 26 from celebrities commenting on aspects of the Scout Law. Gerald Ford wrote the introduction to the first one.

But beyond all the bragging and name dropping, this troop taught me skills that are going to last a lifetime. We camped. Every single month. No matter what. Minus 10 degrees? Bring it on. Torrential rain? Wear a poncho. We camped all over Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, and sometimes in Colorado. We used canvas A-frame tents. Every patrol looked out for itself. These were the best of times. These were the worst of times. But every experience in this extensive camping program added something to the arsenal of life skills - not just outdoor hobbies. I walked the halls of Washinton, D.C. with them. I looked out over the harbor from the head of the Statue of Liberty with them. I stood atop the World Trade Center with them.

I learned about honor and pride in this organization like I have learned nowhere else. Honestly I'm not sure where you would learn things like that elsewhere, or in other troops for that matter. The rich history and traditionalism of this troop was carried from generation to generation through intricate oral storytelling. To this day I know the adventures of dozens of men who preceded me by years and years who I have never met.

There were moments I have thought could be the dramatic climaxes of emotional movies. About 100 of us were camping and an out-of-council summer camp in Colorado during a period of decline in the overall morale of the troop. One of the legendary Eagle Scouts, whose name ran deep in the oral stories, appeared at the camp and ended up delivering the type of dramatic speech that reenergizes entire armies in war movies. Today I only imagine how those next several days would be captured by swooping camera angles and orchestrated crescendos as 100 boys marched through camp in perfect uniforms and formation, filing into general assembly in perfect silence before hundreds of other sloppy adolescents staring on in disbelief. Troop 26 had found its glory again and was going to conquer the world. Every year there was a open house of Boy Scout Troops at the Exposition Center in Tulsa. Many troops would have a table or two at a booth and a little display about things they did. Where was Troop 26? Just look for the giant Troop 26 flag flying 30 feet over everyone else suspended by the giant mast of the specially constructed 50 foot fresh-cut log ship that had become the temporary home to the extensive Troop 26 historical museum. Troop 26! WATAKACHOO!

We have always been known around that area of the country as the "Eagle Factory." Most troops are happy to have one or two scouts make Eagle each year. Troop 26 regularly awards about 10 at time, two or three times per year. This is due to highly organized three-part advancement system - the Leadership Corps, which is composed entirely of active Eagle Scouts, handles all First Class and under rank advancement. This is overseen by the Advancement Chairman who has detailed computer records for each scout and where he stands at any given time. The other key is the active participation of anywhere between 40 and 50 Assistant Scoutmasters who teach dozens of merit badge classes each week. Every weekly meeting sees every scout climb through the advancement ladder in some way. And every required badge for Eagle is taught in-house. Many troops have to rely on summer camps or district offerings for their scouts to get anywhere.

I mentioned Bill Shaffer. I said that this man has become larger than life to thousands. This is no exaggeration, as Bill has become one of the most influential male leaders in my life. He is virtually a second Dad to thousands, and for many he is the father they never had. This is appropriate because Bill has never been a father himself. He has also never married. This troop, quite literally, is his entire life. Bill has been recognized as one of the greatest scoutmasters in the nation on numerous occasions. He has won Scounting's highest award, one that has been given to only two scoutmasters in the nation, ever. His every waking moment has to do with his dedication to these boys in some way or another. His passion runs deeper than any passion I have ever seen anyone have about anything. Also, when Bill speaks, people listen. Some of the most electric experiences I have had have come at end of week ceremonies at Council summer camps. Often scoutmasters are invited in front of the huge bonfire to say a few words about their experiences. Many get up and say they've had a fun week. Bill is always last. This is when the entire camp goes silent as the slightly stooped man works his way to the front and stands before a generation of young men, looking them in the eyes. He then delivers a slow, methodical soliloquy that sends you into the depths of what has taken place within your soul. Your character. Your pride. You as a young man that the world is depending on. When Bill walks back up that stone pathway, you have just explored the depths of your own identity and the hairs on your body are standing on end. You have just realized that this is a man that is giving his very life for you.

The pride. The excellence. The leadership. The tradition. The men and the boys being trained to be men. This is Troop 26. WATAKACHOO!!