I think I'm now getting those first signs of light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing is really different about my situation or where I am, but I feel like God is trying his hardest to break back into me and relight the fire and energy that he spent so much time building before. God is definitely the most determined person I know.

Waking up in the morning without some kind of clear-cut long range goal is very disconcerting to me. That's probably why I'm sleeping until 9:00 each morning. I've let being back home rob me of that self-determined vision. Having your mom come around the corner every two minutes to tell you something to do doesn't help. But it's definitely not her fault - I'm just in a weird spot. If I'm a self-starting, goal-driven, mature, people-oriented, spiritually-led, successful 24 year old, why am I sitting at home at two in the afternoon looking at fark.com? Ridiculous. I guess for the first time in my life I don't have something specific right at the moment pushing me on to something bigger, bolder, grander. Get over it, dude. Get over it. As Bob Newhart said on Mad TV: "Stop it!!"

The truth is, it's not about getting over this burned-out, bad attitude to be an acheiver again, it's about regaining a daily, moment-by-moment focus on God. Considering myself an "acheiver," and gaining self-respect by that, is antithetical to the entire message of Christ. Humility is the key. "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3.

Once again I come away from another graduate class with highly mixed thoughts about academic theology. To me, "theology" is taking the spiritual knowledge of God and conforming it to what we are able to know as humans, which automatically robs God of part of his nature. Then, on top of that, we add the academic discipline to theology, which makes it even worse. So, instead of growth in Christian maturity and leadership meaning becoming more bold and spirit-driven in how we live our own lives, how we serve others, and how we carry the message, we instead encourage our most talented to become part of the institution ("full-time ministry"), which neccesarily means taking this growth and leadership and running it through the pounding and straining of "seminary."

Now, instead of learning the truths of the Bible and its immediate impact on our service in the world, we have a bunch of "academic theologians" pumping out entire libraries full of hair-splitting drivel that is only useful to other drivelarians for producing more drivel. I find it sadly humorous that these academics often refer to the "popular level" with a hint of distain. Far be it for one of them to produce something relevant -- it might break into such a level, and therefore become non-credible.

What an incredible way to waste this mission-filled life that God has given us.

I figured that I should start a page on here detailing the current media that I am feeding my brain, and why. I'm going to be gone to Memphis for the next five days, so that won't be happening really soon, so here is a simple blog version, minus any helpful descriptions:

Current Books

- The Greek Way - Edith Hamilton (1946 edition found at a thrift store)
- Just finished The Magician's Nephew, book 1 of The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis

Recent Movies

- SuperSize Me - documentary by Morgan Spurlock
- The Big One - documentary by Michael Moore
- The Incredibles - newest Pixar creation
- Roger & Me - documentary by Michael Moore
- The Fog of War - documentary by Errol Morris

For you C.S. Lewis fans out there, I think I have figured out where I am right now. It is the Wood between the Worlds. Last month I stuck my hand in my pocket and touched the ring that sucked me out of a beautiful land that held some dark shadows. Now I'm in Tulsa - that nondescript wooded area in The Chronicles of Narnia. I'm sure there are ponds all around me that will plunge me into other fantastical worlds, I just need the patience and faith to find them. Or, perhaps I am in the middle of one of those worlds, and just don't know it yet. Time will tell.

Unbelievable! I have just used the Keyhole software to stand upon Zuma beach in Malibu, California and recreate the view of looking out to the west where the peninsula juts out into the Pacific Ocean in the distance and fades into the water. Incredible! This image is one of the most beautiful that I have in my mind, mainly because of a person that was standing at the water's edge about 20 feet in front of me at the time, staring at the sun that was setting at the intersection of land and water. Incredible. It's not the real thing, but the technology really helps ignite the memory.

The Keyhole program is a very detailed world mapping software that lets you put yourself on any point on the globe. Cool, eh?

Hooo, yeah. Have to add this link. I think this would be a lot funnier if I didn't just spend the last ten months working for a guy who is desperate to be at the top of each one of these categories.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Well, I decided to spend yesterday and part of today in Norman, to go back to familiar territory where, as far as I am concerned, the world is right and everything operates as it should. Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came, you could say. But, it was just kind of weird, and I really just spent most of the time watching the election coverage at the old Club Belknap. Incidentally, they don't even call it Club Belknap anymore. I guess those old days are gone - none of us original Club Belknap boys even live there anymore. But, I didn't really talk to anyone about anything, except for Tim, who I got to at least spend a little bit of quality time with. I didn't even get to see Stephanie, no less hang out with her.

But enough of that whining. I might as well quit this blog now if that's what this is going to be. It's funny how I keep proving some things over and over. I starting saying a couple of years ago that the Turner Turnpike is where my life has changed the most, and the trip to and from Norman yesterday and today was no exception. Several CD's by Anthony Robbins were in the CD changer of the loner car I am driving. As much as I carefully avoid the self-gospel of most motivational speakers, Anthony makes a lot of really good points about how a person's self-chosen psychology is what really determines who they are in every situation, good or bad. Honestly, this is stuff that I need to hear right now. Stuff that I've always proclaimed, but really need to put to the test. Having been totally betrayed by someone I really put my faith into, and the subsequent disappointments from other people because of it, have thrown me through the fire in a big way. I can either have developed a sharper sense of cynicism at this point or use it as a launching pad into something else that is great. I'm pretty sure I know which way God is looking.

How about a study of the Proverbs? I think I'll begin that tonight.