I think I'm now getting those first signs of light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing is really different about my situation or where I am, but I feel like God is trying his hardest to break back into me and relight the fire and energy that he spent so much time building before. God is definitely the most determined person I know.

Waking up in the morning without some kind of clear-cut long range goal is very disconcerting to me. That's probably why I'm sleeping until 9:00 each morning. I've let being back home rob me of that self-determined vision. Having your mom come around the corner every two minutes to tell you something to do doesn't help. But it's definitely not her fault - I'm just in a weird spot. If I'm a self-starting, goal-driven, mature, people-oriented, spiritually-led, successful 24 year old, why am I sitting at home at two in the afternoon looking at fark.com? Ridiculous. I guess for the first time in my life I don't have something specific right at the moment pushing me on to something bigger, bolder, grander. Get over it, dude. Get over it. As Bob Newhart said on Mad TV: "Stop it!!"

The truth is, it's not about getting over this burned-out, bad attitude to be an acheiver again, it's about regaining a daily, moment-by-moment focus on God. Considering myself an "acheiver," and gaining self-respect by that, is antithetical to the entire message of Christ. Humility is the key. "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3.