I've thought a lot about the call of God, and what that is in a lot of circumstances. What exactly is the call of God, how does that work, and what does it look like? There are two extreme views on how life works... one is that God predetermines everything, and the other is that life is totally free will with all decisions left up to us. My hunch is that there is a kind of wavy middle ground... where God pulls us in directions but lets us decide.

The Bible certainly demonstrates many very clear calls from God. And I have known people in my own life who are very convicted of their specific call to action by God that occurred at specific moments. Many others, including myself, have become convicted of a call through a long process of experiences. Either way, this conviction is very strong. It is something that produces passion and a relentless drive to a certain kind of end. It produces a desire to sacrifice a lot of good alternatives to pursue what you believe God is beckoning you towards.

But one reality of living by a call is that it is never easy. It requires a lot of faith that is consistently attacked - by the circumstances of the world, by other people, by Satan, and probably most of all by yourself. Self-doubt, frustration, lack of patience, and perceived obstacles seem to be the biggest killers of the passion that comes with feeling a call. Unfortunately I have seen several of those I have worked closely alongside experience these attacks on their mission and lose heart in the call. And I have no delusion that I am immune to that myself. I have already been seriously derailed once in the mission that God called me to, and figure that it is only a matter of time before more trials of fire come knocking. One thing I am convicted of though, is that I get to decide who ultimately wins.

Following a call doesn't always mean feeling good about it. Passion is a drive, not always a feeling. I'm becoming convinced that the dark night of the soul is a hand-in-hand experience with following a call. I'm not sure that Moses was ever appreciated. John the Baptist wondered if Jesus actually was the one. Almost all the apostles were executed. Jesus went to the cross.

You may die, but don't let your passion do so.

Clue: two years ago today.