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Just be honest

Recently I finally finished watching the third season of the TV show Lost. For those of you familiar with the show, a huge theme that runs through the episodes and in the interactions of the characters is deception. Since I have been on a marathon run of this show since the semester ended, I have been watching dozens of hours of people lying to each other. I finished the last episode of season three today, and in a way I am glad to be through with this show for several months because the incessant deception, lying, and conning are wearing on me.

Deception and dishonesty have become somewhat of a sore spot for me, mainly through two significant life events: a powerful minister/employer who used lies to cover up his own life and to try to discredit mine, and a best friend who ended up fabricating large parts of her life in an elaborate con that duped me for years.

As a result, I have become an advocate for total honesty and truth telling between people. I know that at times I have become a little too pushy in this quest, but see two options in how to approach life: 1) Reduce trust in all people because there are some who cannot be trusted, or 2) Increase my efforts to be transparent and open before the people in my life so that they know they can do the same towards me. The first option is safer. It reduces the chances of being taken for a ride by anyone who wants to use you for their own ends. It also means having a basic assumption that everyone wants to use you or lie to you. It means building walls around yourself so that no one can have access and immediately assigning suspicion to humanity at large. The second option is riskier. It means assuming that trust is worth assuming in people because most people are worth trusting. But it means being vulnerable, because their are a minority of people who are willing to abuse that trust. But having trust in people, and having their trust in you, opens a world of opportunity and advantage.

I have found that people, on the whole, are willing to live up to the expectations that you have of them. If you do not trust people, it is obvious and people become less willing to incorporate you into their lives and provide for you because you have a base assumption that they will do the opposite. On the other hand, setting the bar high is a subtle but powerful catalyst to greater openness, honesty, sharing, and giving from people. And it starts with you being that kind of person yourself.

So, yes, there have been two people in my life that have caused me some deep hurt. But how many hundreds upon hundreds have given their all for me and have inspired me to do the same for them? I commit always to living for the hundreds, not for the two.


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Blogger Kristy - 11:14 AM

Very honest thoughts that I resonate with. I hope to be at your point soon. I am still on the option one side of things... Hopefully I can start trying on option #2 a little more.    



Blogger Zie Zie - 5:22 PM

Wow. I don't know what made you stumble across my blog, but these are the exact words I needed to hear. Oh Cary, you are such an incredible person. I thank you for your open and honest heart. It's so hard to not put up walls after having them torn down one after another, and in my case at the moment, from the very people that brought me into the world, but I look forward to being at the crossroads. The two roads that lead me to your point 1 or point 2. It's a healing process and like they say, only time can heal a broken heart. Thank you so much for your words. I have been inspired by you, Mr. McCall, and for that I am grateful.    



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