I grew up around a Dad who was an advertising man so he was always pointing out interesting copy writing on products and advertisements. The other day I bought a desktop computer that has a snazzy graphics card. The guy I bought it from gave me the original box in which the card came. The card happens to be in the "Verto" series manufactured by this particular company, and on the back of the box it has a section labeled "The Journey of Verto." Here it is, in all its copy-writing glory. I swear I am not making this up:

Like a phoenix out of the ashes, my journey began. From heat and flame, fire permeated my being, beginning my evolution and awakening the forces within me. I am not human, I am not machine, I am unknown. Cathartic water has purified me, regenerating who I am. The aqueous fluid alters my skin, mutating its very nature. My beating heart propels me towards the future and away from my dark past. I am power. I am speed. I am imagination. I am transformaton. My world will become your reality. Come on the journey with me, let me drench your senses and immerse you in my visual universe. There's no going back.

Who is the guy sitting in a cubicle getting paid to write this stuff? And how do I apply?