I've hit the jackpot. While pretending to write a paper today, I wandered down the street to check my mail. Inside was a strange looking envelope that held a special letter.
GOD'S HOLY BLESSING POWER IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE ARE LOANING YOU TO USE!!!

People - this is the ticket. The really generous folks at Saint Matthews Churches ("55 Years Old!!") have loaned me a holy blessed prayer rug that will score me a new car, loads of money, and a new house, I think complete with a low fixed-rate mortgage.


The rug itself is nice. It's made out of a thin, lightweight material that is almost exactly like paper.
If you are having doubts, just look at the testimonies.

This lady got $10,700 last Saturday after kneeling on the rug.

After God gave them the money, he went out and bought them a new car. I imagine God is a pretty good negotiator and scored a nice deal with low payments.

So, since I have been specially selected for this privilege, I figure I should take advantage of it. $32 Billion sounds about right. But - I don't want to get greedy about that so my request is going to be for an annual payment of roughly $1.06 Billion/year for 30 years. You have to remember that the feds will take at least 40% of that. Unless I pray about that too.....