Nothing profound today, folks, except that I have a greater appreciation for how my granddad used to get around. About three weeks or so ago I injured my back throwing huge logs around for the big college bonfire we did at the Tulsa Workshop. And then I went backpacking for four days with an 80 pound pack. The pain hasn't been too bad since, until yesterday morning after a night of volleyball. I can hardly get around now, and when I do it is in a stooped over position. Guess it is time to see Mr. Doctor, even though I hate that and it is going to be another hit on my savings. Standing up gets pretty difficult at times. Hopefully it is not too serious.

On a totally unrelated note, seeing people drunk makes me really sad. It is hard to explain the disappointment I feel when I am around someone who is drunk or getting drunk, especially when it is is a good friend. It is like watching someone slip away into a fog and be replaced by something shallow and unreal. I literally feel like I lose a friend for a while. Nothing constructive or good happens, it becomes impossible to have good conversation, and the justifications for doing it just get more ludicrous. "I'm not really drunk, I'm just choosing to act this way," "I'm not really drinking, I used to have a lot more," "This is the first time I've had any in a long time." Only getting tipsy on three beers, two shots of Jeagermister, and a huge glass of wine is somehow responsible, mature drinking because you used to have 17 shots and 12 beers. I wish the decision came down to more than losing control somewhat or losing control completely.

My life has changed the most during times of intense exposure of my real self. Sitting around a small dining room table late at night, for example, and playing a silly version of truth questions with playing cards that turns into a deep session of college students revealing their innermost fears that leads to the most soul-searching confessions which in turns into an hour long period of prayer..... this is how people grow. If alcohol was involved, none of it would have been able to go beyond the silly part.

Passion and disappointment. An odd juxtaposition of words, would you say? Last week I had an interesting discussion about passion with some college students that was prompted by a chapter within The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

We developed several different definitions, and had a lively debate about where passion comes from, but the one consensus we came to was that passion is something that moves your blood with excitement when promted by a particular idea. So, if you made a list of things that stir passion in you, what would they be? Would you have a long list? Short? How fast can you think of even one thing that truly creates passion in you? And if you can think of at least one thing, what do you do to feed that passion? Is it alive an well in your life, or dormant - tucked away in an impossible ideal world?

I've discovered that one thing that steals passion away from people is disappointment, either by their own experience or through the discouragement of others. I have two things that have created passion in me recently in life - the first is the spiritual transformation I have seen take place in the lives of people in the university setting. The other is the life of faith and holiness led by a particular person who let me share in her life for a while. The first one led to the decision to dedicate my life to campus ministry, the other led to realization of the impact one person can have on another.

But both have also led to bitter disappointment. A tremendous spiritual fire set by Satan in Alabama forced an unexpected shutdown to my campus ministry career track. And the decision by the other person to follow a different call from God than me led to the vaporization of marriage visions. Both have tested my faith and maturity. Both have taken me to great heights, only to show me sea level again.

But even so, I never want to let those things temper my passion. If satan fogs the incredible vision that is contained in the idea of campus ministry, then I'll definitely never see the heights that he can show me. God will never be able to transform the hearts and minds of students if his tools are afraid of the fire that he is plunging them into to forge their strength! And Satan tells me that I will never know the kind of power that was given to each other in the relationship I had. But God is saying "I've shown you a picture of holiness - now be that in your life!! The devotion you had to her - that's the relationship I want you to have with me!!"

God never made anything great that Satan didn't work to destroy. One odd measure of how great God's works are in the world is how hard Satan works to use them against people. Is Satan working overtime to tuck away your passions? Then you'd better get all the more excited about them, because you've found some good ones.

Video games can be such a cruel mistress. Which is strange that I say that, because I've never been a computer/console game guy, except for the original 8 bit Nintendo and the Colecovision of the 80s. After that I just was interested in other things. Most of my experience is really just watching my roommates play Playstation or mess around while the whole house booms with explosions from three other guys playing Counterstrike against each other. I suck at Halo.

But, my brother likes computer games and he uses my laptop with some of his friends every now and then. So last week I'm sitting there and click on the "Return to Castle Wolfenstein" icon on my desktop and, crap, I haven't been able to stop. This is one of those very poignant lessons in how you always have time for what you really want to do. If I looked in the game summary of how many hours I've put into the levels I've completed so far, it will probably be insane.

So, tonight the Wolfenstein goes bye-bye. Hours and hours of running around sniping German soldiers in the head is just not what I need. Which is hard to do because I'm right at the point of fighting Deathshead's Super Soldier. Geez, how retarded does that sound when I say it out loud?

What was I doing before I got sucked into this vortex? Reading Proverbs and riding my bike. What am I doing the rest of this week? Reading proverbs and riding my bike. Thanks God for the wakeup call.

Every now and then somebody tells you something out of the blue that radically shifts the way you see yourself. What I was told tonight by an acquaintance is unimportant to write about, but the lesson from it is vital.

We spend a lot of time in life trying, consciously or subconsciously, to present ourselves to the people around us in the way we would like them to see us. If you want people to think you are funny, then you try to make jokes and play around when you are around people. If you want them to think you are humble and selfless, then you will do what you can to help people and not be a show-off, and so on. Everyone has an image that they want to portray.

But despite our best efforts, some people see us the way we really are. And if who you really are is what God wants you to be, people will notice. So don't try to be cool, or funny, or take-charge, or athletic, or humble, or quiet, or knowledgable. Just try to be what God is forming your heart to be. And someday, sitting outside on a cool summer evening, someone you barely know may tell you about a characteristic of Jesus Christ they see in you. And you will be blown away by it because it wasn't what you were "trying" to be.

All of my blog entries now feature commenting goodness. Feel free to add your own words to my thoughts, and maybe together we can all learn one or two things from each other. I decided that I shouldn't be the only one who can spout opinions on this website. Influence is a two way street, and always should be. So, I'm asking you to give your wisdom back to me. Thanks in advance, by the way.

Tonight in our prayer time together, our college group prayed for the catholics of the world and what they are going through with the death of the Pope. This man was definitely a very influential leader of the most solidified world movement in history. So tonight I've been reading up on what happens now that he has died, and there are some things that strike me.

In 1996 the Pope wrote up a document called the Universi Dominici Gregis which laid out the rules for what was to happen when he died. By his own declaration, the pope is to

• Be taken to the Vatican basilica to lie in state for the faithful to pay homage.


• Have funeral rites celebrated for nine consecutive days. (They are to observe these faithfully.)


• Have his funeral take place in St Peter's Square and heads of state and government and religious leaders from around the world be invited.


• Not have any photographs or recordings be made of his on his sickbed or after death, unless he is adorned with his pontifical vestments.

The Universi Dominici Gregis is interesting because it lays out very specific rules for both the funeral arrangements of the Pope and the election of a new one. It all comes to a head with the assumption of "full and supreme power over the universal Church." Then stipulations are made for the specific paying of "homage and obedience" to the new Supreme Pontiff. And to wrap it up, the Pope makes sure to declare absoluely null and void any other dispositions that may be made regarding these matters, even if they may be worthy of consideration. The Pope declares that these wishes of his to be accepted and followed by every member of the Universal Church.

The Supreme Pontiff, by catholic doctrine, recognizes the apostle Peter as the first Pope. Peter is an interesting character to read about in the Bible, especially in stories like this:

"As Peter entered the house, Cornelius met him and fell at his feet in reverence. But Peter made him get up. 'Stand up,' he said, 'I am only a man myself.'” Acts 10:25-26

For some reason we don't have any record of Peter having written a Universi Dominici Gregis. I wonder why that would be.